The Stradivarius Syndrome

I don’t watch much network television.  I do, however, have my few guilty pleasures that I record and watch later.  One of those is Shark Tank.  I come from an entrepreneurial family so I love to evaluate the opportunities presented and have bought some of the products pitched on the show.  Today, the episode included a pitch by a father/son team for a guitar with a folding neck.  I immediately called my son in to watch with us since he is a musician and has been obsessed with guitars since age two.  

A couple of the sharks ended up making an offer which the team refused.  It was a licensing deal where they would sell the patented hinge to the established guitar manufacturers.  The father would have had to give up 51% control of the company, however, and so he didn’t accept.  I asked Benjamin if this guitar was on the market anywhere.  He wasn’t sure and he questioned the practicality since the guitar sounded out of tune before and after they folded it (I couldn’t tell) and that folding guitar strings is like folding a paperclip back/forth – not good.  But what inspired me today was the rest of our conversation.  He said plainly, “The guitar industry sucks.”  He went on to explain that the guitar industry is built on tradition so innovation is not valued.  Even if a guitar is designed to address say, the problem with reaching the frets easily, musicians are skeptical.  Apparently, Gibson built such a guitar for a few years, sold the heck out of it, and then discontinued it.  Maybe they are creating scarcity.  Benjamin said the most expensive guitars are the replicas of the older designs. 

This made me think about scotch.  I know what you’re thinking – where’s the Jesus?  Stay with me.  At one time, I really enjoyed drinking scotch.  If you are a scotch drinker, my favorite was Oban, one of the smallest distilleries in Scotland, started in 1794.  When I drank Oban, I expected it to taste consistently the same year after year.  As a consumer, I would have probably stopped buying Oban if they did anything “innovative” with their product.  So it is with guitars, apparently.  Everything about the way guitars are made produces a very unique sound: whether the neck is glued on or screwed on; whether the wood is solid or composite; whether there are three springs or five springs on the bridge, etc.  [I know more than I really want to know about guitars but I totally support my son in his passion.]  As I listened to my son, I understood that so much of the value comes from consistency and not innovation.  The car industry is built on innovation but not guitars or scotch.  I named it the Stradivarius Syndrome – that unless it’s done exactly the same way it’s always been done, it’s not worthy.

That’s when my palms started to sweat.  Isn’t the church something that we value for its tradition and we become skeptical when it doesn’t look/smell/feel/sound like it always did?  When I said this, my husband commented that Jesus and God don’t change – they are supposed to be the same forever.  I agreed.  The Trinity – God, Jesus, Holy Spirit – are constant.  That’s the beautiful and comforting thing.  But how we expand His kingdom is always ripe for experimentation.  There are no limits as to the many ways we can reach out to people and connect them to the church.  God gave us the gift of creation – the ability to create something from nothing.  We aren’t creating the Trinity; we are creating a community.

Does the experience of church look the same as it did years ago?  No.  Does it feel the same from church to church?  No.  And it is still worthy.   As I talk to our younger newcomers at St. Mary’s, I am surprised by their desire for reverent worship, time for prayer, or organ music.  They say they are tired of 30 minute rock concerts.  As I write this blog, I can smell my mother’s communion bread baking for tomorrow’s Holy Eucharist.  Our liturgical tradition is a real and physical experience in a world where we constantly need to filter truth from fiction. 

Traditionally, we have waited for someone to decide they wanted to join the church before helping them connect in any significant fashion.  I believe in the opposite.  People don’t join anything before they have a connection to it.  Our first Seekers Forum concluded a few weeks ago.  This was a blend of some in-person fellowship and a private Facebook group.  Personally, this is not the way I would connect to a new church but it was very meaningful to these participants.  That is one example of innovation and we didn’t have to abandon our Anglican roots to do it.   

It’s scary to experiment and try something new.  But if we try something new because we are truly listening to others and trying to meet them where they are, the church becomes real and relevant.  And that is both traditional and innovative.      

An Invitation to the Wounded

This morning, as I drove closer to work (church), I decided to drive in silence.  The prayer we pray at St. Mary’s with our children came to mind:  “Good morning God.  This is your day.  I am your child.  Please show me your way.”  I heard a still, small voice.  

I am an evangelist.  But it wasn’t until a few weeks ago that I said out loud to someone that I am an evangelist.  I went on to explain that it was a joy to do this work because I knew I wasn’t inviting people to a church to be pounded or punished but to be loved and accepted.  The “E” word tends to be misunderstood.  Often, it is confused with the word “evangelical” which is a description of a Christian faith that is generally more fundamental and conservative than the mainstream.  Not slamming evangelicals, just making the distinction.  Evangelism:  spreading the Christian gospel by personal witness. 

You see, I have not been wounded by organized religion.  Rather the opposite, my experience has been one of love, inspiration, faith, purpose, and community through the Episcopal tradition.  The more people I meet, the more stories I hear about being scarred by the church or by individuals in the name of religion, particularly Christianity.  It is absolutely heartbreaking to hear stories of faithful people who fell away from Christian community or expression because of, in some cases, one deeply hurtful experience.  Some have been disowned because of their sexuality, been excluded from youth group after misbehaving, or grown up in a faith community where rule following was the basis of the faith.  Many of these stories involve being forced as children to attend church as a joyless discipline. They all have a common theme:  these people were judged – and usually harshly.  In the name of Jesus, they were condemned and convicted and deemed unworthy of love or mercy.

A few years ago, we hosted a Faith Dinner at our home.  This special dinner is moderated by a facilitator as we share stories of our faith journeys.  It is an adult evening and when my teenage son came home, he asked if he could share his faith story.  His story involved his recovery from substance abuse.  Here is the important part: he didn’t ask who was in the room.  He instinctively knew that he could tell his story without shame to anyone who was there because they were his church family.  This is what I wanted for my children: a church home that would support my children in their journey, not only when they did all the right things but also accept them when they struggled.  Every year, when Benjamin’s sobriety milestone comes around, he goes to the altar to get a blessing and every year, the congregation applauds.  He was encouraged in his ministries as a camp counselor, a vacation Bible school guide, and a worship leader as well as held in prayer for many, many months.  This is what healthy Christian community looks like and this is what everyone deserves. 

We have members at St. Mary’s who have returned to church after 30+ years to be healed from their various wounding experiences in other congregations.  They never stopped believing; they stopped belonging.  I will never forget the courageous visitor who said to me, “I looked at your website and thought I would be welcome here.  I am not welcome at my mother’s church since I am gay.”  This broke my heart in two. 

I cannot think of a single example where Jesus turned anyone away.  Whatever your assessment of someone’s worthiness, remember that Jesus broke bread with tax collectors.  Tax collectors were the pariahs that people didn’t talk to much less eat with.  Jesus didn’t walk into the temple and ask for the 12 most righteous priests to serve as disciples.  He chose 12 ordinary people who were flawed and imperfect. 

Pointing others toward Jesus is only that – an invitation that has no qualification criteria.  I pray that if you experienced the grace of the loving God, if you have seen the hand of God at work in the world or in your life, that you will share your story with others or invite someone to church.  I also pray that if you have fallen away from Christian community, that someone will help you back into the fold because Jesus is waiting for you and loves you unconditionally.   The Episcopal Church welcomes you.

Being Real, Finding Joy

This morning, we got up early to pick up our middle schooler from Camp Allen.  If you aren’t familiar with Camp Allen, it is an Episcopal church camp in Navasota, Texas.  Nestled in the piney woods, it’s a little slice of heaven. The camp isn’t fancy by any means but it is special nonetheless.  My husband and I attended this camp as kids (though never together) and I admit I was a little jealous that by the time our first son starting going, they had added air conditioning to the cabins.  Summer camp with no air conditioning is my version of walking uphill to school both ways.  

On the way, we chatted about a karaoke party I attended last night.  Ryan was too tired to go but I hadn’t seen this group of friends in ages so I went by myself.  If you like karaoke, then karaoke with a group of actors in a private party room is highly recommended.  I am not as active in local theatre as I once was, but still feel very connected to this community.  I shared with Ryan all the latest news and that a highlight of the evening was a playwright who was in town from New York.  When he chose Joy to the World, he confided to me, “I’m not a great singer so everyone will have to support me.” I assured him we would.  This is the Joy to the World by Three Dog Night – not the Christmas song.  “Joy to the world.  All the boys and girls.  Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea.  Joy to you and me.”  The reason it was a high point is as everyone joined him, it truly was joyful and dare I say, spiritual.  This song took us both back to our childhoods this morning.  I couldn’t stop humming it.

We picked up our daughter, who attended her first year of junior high camp.  She attended camp every prior year with a friend of his from our church.  This year, his friend didn’t go so we were hoping for a good experience since our younger child is a bit shy and keeping faith in the “Camp Allen experience.”  The minute we saw her, she said “This was the best week ever at Camp Allen! I made friends with everyone in my cabin!” On the ride home, we heard wonderful stories of her experience at camp and she radiated joy and confidence.  She said that she now understands the crucifixion better and what it really meant to die in this way.  Joyful and spiritual. 

I later told my husband that the kids’ attendance at Camp Allen is one of the things that gives me the most joy as a parent.  It is turning out to be for them what it was for me.  Camp was a place where I knew I belonged, not just fit in.  It was a place to live in Christian community if only for a week at a time.  Great care was taken to be sure everyone was included and accepted.  Discipline was gentle and the Spirit was present.  Episcopal youth gatherings were an integral part of my formation as a Christian and it is such a blessing to know that in a world where so much has changed since I grew up, this one thing is unchanged.  Sure, Camp Allen has changed; they have archery, horseback riding and air conditioning now.  But the core of the place is the same.  We agreed it was a culture.  This is a great example of culture over strategy.  It isn’t a great experience because the checklists were followed and activities executed with precision.  It is a transformative experience because of the culture of love.

Back to last night.  Interestingly, I experienced true community in a somewhat hole-in-the-wall little karaoke bar.  I realize that my tie to this group of actors is because of the love and acceptance I experience when I am with them.  I imagine it’s different in Hollywood, but your local community theatre bunch is one of the most diverse and real gatherings around.  Conversations aren’t focused on day jobs or dream vacations or “moving up in the world.”  This isn’t because we aren’t connected; it is because the focus of our interaction is, of course, on the art but on other things like family, friends and emotion.  We don’t talk about many material things because things don’t inspire bravery and to be an actor, you must be a risk taker.  You must also be a great pretender.  And actors are keenly aware when someone is pretending in an attempt to guard themselves.  So, combine the acceptance of risk and the awareness of false appearances and you have a very authentic community.  This group knows how hard it is to be vulnerable and is practiced at drawing out the real part of others and then loving who shows up.  And that is when the joy comes out – when the walls come down.  

It is tempting to believe that community can be achieved by being the same, believing the same, doing the same.  However, sameness requires changing or hiding a part of ourselves because we are all different.  Being yourself in a group and being accepted for who you are is true belonging, not just fitting in.  I would say that I spent plenty of my childhood trying to fit in but the bursts of belonging were transformational.  They gave me aspirations.

Are you part of an authentic community?  Can you bravely take those experiences and infuse other places with Jesus’ love?  Are you still searching for a place to be yourself?

  

What Does Jesus Look Like?

A little over a week ago, in the space of about 45 minutes, my foot starting hurting so badly, I went to the emergency room.  I’ve had two children and several surgeries and this pain was excruciating.  On the way to the hospital, I put out a prayer request on Facebook.  I didn’t know what was causing this pain and started to panic.  We were scheduled to leave in a week for a family vacation to New York where we walk miles a day.  I was diagnosed with plantar fasciitis and the doctor said it could take about a week or two to heal.  They sent me home with pain meds and told me to put weight on it, stretch it, and walk.  That seemed crazy since I couldn’t even touch my foot.  But, I stayed up late stretching and icing it.  All the while, I was worrying about the vacation and what would happen if I couldn’t walk in New York.  I had visions of me in a wheelchair and wondered how I could get in the subway and if I would miss some of the outings.  I was in Olympic worry mode.  By morning, I was almost pain free.  After buying some new shoes, the pain decreased.  The next day I was completely out of pain.  As long as I wore proper shoes, I was able to walk.  Alleluia! 

I don’t even remember why, but on the plane to NY, I was telling Ryan about a controversial installation of a sculpture called Homeless Jesus by Timothy Schmalz.  It is life-sized and shows a homeless person sleeping on a bench.  You don’t realize it’s Jesus until you see the holes in the man’s feet.  I encourage you to check out Schmalz’s site for an image (they are copyrighted) and other inspiring sculpture.  www.sculpturebytps.com 

Today, we were on our way to Queens and took the wrong train.  This is a sort of a Carnes tradition now; last time we ended up in Harlem.  As we were navigating the subway, we descended the steps and at the bottom of the staircase, was a man in a wheelchair.  He appeared to be homeless and he was quietly saying, “Please someone help me.  Anyone.”  Over and over.  He was a little scary looking and had a large wound on his foot, likely from untreated diabetes.    I had taken a cue from my priest, Rev. Beth Fain, to see Jesus on my vacation.  Thoughts were swirling in my head:  see the face of Christ in everyone; when you have helped the least of these; you have helped me; he is Jesus.  

We made a last minute decision earlier in the day to pay for lunch by debit card because we were one dollar short for the tip.  Otherwise, we would have spent all our cash at lunch.  I pulled out a dollar bill and turned to him and put it in his cup.  I asked him his name.  His name was Henry and I introduced myself.  I always ask people I meet like this their name so that they are not a nameless nobody.  I look them in the eyes and I always promise to pray for them.  Something about him choked me up and I couldn’t tell him I would pray for him because I was afraid I would break down.  We exchanged a few words and as I talked to him, then others started giving him a few dollars.  I introduced Henry to Ryan.  I turned back to wait for the train.  I could hear him begging as I waited with my back to him.  Others walked by Henry.  I turned back to him and asked, “Henry where are you from?”  He said he was from Brooklyn and we chatted about how we were trying to get to Queens and our plans in New York.  Others starting helping him again as we talked.   He smiled at me and had a gentle spirit about him.  Our train came, I thanked him for his navigation advice, and we said goodbye to Henry. 

 As it became apparent we were on the wrong train (again), we made the best of it and used the time to chat.  Ultimately, it took us two hours to get to our destination, but we wondered if meeting Henry was the purpose of our detour.  This poem was posted on the wall in front of where I was sitting.  You all know by now I’m a big crybaby and I was having a hard time keeping the tears from streaming down my face in front of everyone on the subway. 

A week ago, I worried that I might temporarily be in a wheelchair in New York and how that might ruin my vacation.  Today, I met someone who spends every day in a wheelchair in New York and likely nowhere to sleep. 

This is what I wonder now.  How long has it been since someone thanked Henry for anything?  

I’m Perfect. How ‘bout you?

So, right before I went to sleep last night, I watched a TED talk by Dr. Brene Brown about vulnerability, who is a shame researcher at the University of Houston.  Lo and behold, I wake up and check my emails this morning and there is my word of the day from SSJE (Society of Saint John the Evangelist – the Episcopal monastery):  vulnerability.  Damn.  So, I open the email and the writer even names the TED talk in his meditation and refers to Daring Greatly, Brown’s latest book.  And so here it goes…

As I read Daring Greatly, I’ve been trying to look at ways that I hide myself from others, where am I afraid to truly be myself, to be vulnerable. It’s becoming clear to me that I’m pretty good at revealing the big things in my life to others like my struggles with depression; divorcing and remarrying the same man; my son getting addicted to drugs; miracles I have witnessed. 

The small, every day things are where I hide myself the best.  I have very few friends who truly know me.  It’s not that what I’m showing people is fake, I’m just not showing all of me.  

In my consulting practice, I developed a workshop to teach public speaking.  The seminar opens with my story about suffering from perfectionism, specifically perfectionist procrastination.  If I don’t think I’m going to do something perfectly, I procrastinate.   I joke about how someday, there will be a 12-step group for perfectionists.  “Hello, my name is Molly and I’m a perfectionist.  It’s been six days since I’ve edited a document to death.”  My vulnerability is in direct proportion to how perfectly I think I can deliver.

A few years ago, I was preparing for Christmas Eve dinner.  As I rushed around trying to get the table ready, I couldn’t find my Christmas tablecloth.  I finally found it in the bottom of a hamper.  It had been in the dirty laundry since the previous Christmas.  Yep.  That is a little thing that I find very embarrassing.  At the time, I was reading Brown’s book, The Gifts of Imperfection.  I called a childhood friend and said, “You are one of the few people that can truly appreciate this.  I just found my Christmas tablecloth in the hamper from last year.”  We laughed our heads off.  I shared with her that I was reading The Gifts of Imperfection and she remarked she was very gifted.   This Christmas tree is still standing in my daughter's room as of today.  So there and it is July. 

Vulnerability looks like different things to different people.  To me, it means showing that I’m not perfect - that I don’t have it all together.  I am making progress but I can tell this is only the tip of my shame iceberg.  Some of you may think this is silly.  I can hear you now saying that I am sweating the small stuff.  But you’ll notice I don’t have a list of the small things that I can share – only the big things.  I’m not there yet.  Those small imperfect things are, to me, the most intimate.  It feels like sharing the big things may help someone else because there is a common theme - in all those stories, I witnessed God at work and that makes me brave. 

People tell me that they admire my courage for writing this blog; I don’t feel courageous. I only write when inspired and if people don’t like it, I don’t take it as a reflection of my worth.  I believe God gives me the words so I’m pretty much off the hook.  While the big things connect us by showing God’s divine hand, the little things connect us through our humanity.  Jesus was fully divine and fully human.  He was there on the mountain top and in the dirty stable.  We know all of Him so that God’s purpose can be revealed.  Can you let the world know all of you?  

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Siguiendo tu Corazon - no sólo un romantico cliche

One of my readers graciously translated "Following Your Heart - Not Just a Romantic Cliche" into Spanish.  I hope to have "Who Will Change Your Heart" translated and posted soon.  

Mi marido y yo fuimos anoche para hacer una diligencia. En camino a Barnes & Noble, estábamos charlando sobre nuestro día. Yo habia almorzado con un viejo colega y comparti con Ryan que aunque si me agrada la amistad con mis viejos compañeros del trabajo, yo ya no me sentia comoda en un mundo empresarial y ejecutivo. Juntos, nos sentamos en el coche y recordábamos mi viaje hasta este punto ...

En 2010, me sentía desesperada por tener una presencia espiritual durante mi jornada laboral - Gracias a Dios por el libro en línea de Book of Common Prayer (Libro de rezo en Comun) Recuerdo deseando que mi vocación fuera más como una labor de amor, como el trabajo de mi marido, el es maestro de educación especial. En agosto de 2012, acepté un trabajo con una firma de inversión privada. En ese tiempo, había la posibilidad d  recibir una cantidad sustancial de dinero cuando la empresa fuera vendida, lo cual esperábamos que sucediera dentro de algunos años. Durante este tiempo, imparti una clase en la iglesia sobre el trabajo como adoración, mientras luchaba con ser cristiana y preguntándome si Dios valoraba el trabajo o no. Durante años, yo había estado trabajando a tiempo completo y haciendo consultas a tiempo parcial. Si la compañía fuera vendida, me daría la libertad financiera para volver a ser autónoma y trabajar a tiempo completo como consultora de negocios, el trabajo que sentía que estaba más cerca a la de un ministerio. La compañía fue vendida a principios de 2014 y ahora tenía dinero sustancial en el banco.

Los últimos cuatro o cinco meses en mi trabajo corporativo fueron muy difíciles para mí. En retrospectiva, veo que a pesar de que mi trabajo era estresante para los estándares de los demas, yo probablemente hubiera estado bien si a lo mejor mi corazón no hubiera estado en otro lugar. Oré para que Dios me diera una señal acerca de si debia quedarme o salir de mi trabajo. Durante un período de dos semanas, las señales fueron dramáticas. Me reuní con mi sacerdote para que me ayudara a como distinguir la voluntad de Dios. Derrame mi corazón acerca de cómo anhelaba trabajar nuevamente por cuenta propia como un consultor de negocios.  A través del estudio de las Escrituras yo escuchaba el mensaje de "volver a Dios" una y otra vez. Debido a mi exigente trabajo, abandonar casi todo el ministerio fue muy doloroso. Ella mencionó que la posición de personal del ministro de evangelismo aún estaba abierta en la iglesia. Yo sabía eso, pero había rechazado la idea debido a mis 70 + horas de trabajo a la semana, más mi pequeña práctica de consultoría. Después de nuestra discusión, decidí  tomar la entrevista para el trabajo, como parte de mi proceso de discernimiento. Sin saber si me llamarian para la posición de ministro de evangelismo o no, dejé mi trabajo en diciembre de 2014. [me ofrecieron el trabajo en Enero.]

Yo le dije a Ryan que me siento sin inspiración para sequir buscando clientes para mis consultas - esto era algo que yo queria hacer desde hace mucho tiempo! Luego, vinieron las lágrimas. Finalmente me di cuenta que Dios no estada preparando mi corazón y finanzas para hacer consultoría de negocios, me estaba preparando para este ministerio de evangelismo. Más lágrimas venian mientras me disculpaba con mi marido por no buscar clientes para mis consultas, {algo que sería muy beneficioso económicamente para nosotros}. Él me aseguro que estoy haciendo lo que Dios quiere que haga. Rechacé una oportunidad de trabajo hace unos meses que ofrecia más dinero de lo que nunca antes había hecho en mi vida porque sentía que Dios no me habia enviado allí. Ryan afirmo esta decisión nuevamente.

Creo que debo seguir mi corazón, porque Dios está en control de mi corazón. Y aquí está un truco para mí. Si yo no persigo más clientes de coaching en el mundo de los negocios, voy a tener que confiar mas en Dios. Continue llorando, mi marido me sugirió que la posibilidad de obtener mas ingresos se había convertido en mi seguridad. Cuando Enron collapso y estábamos ahogandonos en deudas, aprendimos mucho sobre la administración del dinero que Dios nos proporcionado y en confiar que Dios proovera. Sin embargo, en los últimos años, ya que nuestros ingresos se incrementaron y las deudas desaparecían, tomé confianza en nuestra propia capacidad de proporcionar. Así que, ahora estoy de vuelta entendiendo que todo el dinero es de Dios y que vamos a tener suficiente. Quizás vamos a vender nuestro Corvette, quizás vamos a echar mano de nuestros ahorros, quizás Ryan obtendrá una posición como subdirector de una escuela. Quizás, quizás, quizás.

No sé lo que prepara el futuro, pero sí sé que aceptar este llamado al ministerio me salvó de la autodestrucción. Dios llamó a mi puerta durante años y ahora es pura alegría servir de esta manera. El evangelismo requiere la vulnerabilidad y el riesgo emocional, pero ahora también veo que sentirse económicamente vulnerables y confiar en Dios sera mi mayor lección en este viaje. Como un tipo de persona "cuadrada", me gusta admitir que tengo que aprender esta lección de nuevo. Me imagino a Jesús moviendo su cabeza y diciendo "Molly Carnes, envié a los discípulos y les dije que no llevaran ni una túnica extra. Te di un nido de huevos para que te sintieras más segura y ponerte en marcha! "

Mientras caminábamos por la tienda, miré un estante y este es el primer libro que vi - literalmente. Le dije a mi esposo: "Dios está haciendo algo para mí." Él se rió y dijo: "Bienvenida a bordo."

He sido bendecida con este hombre piadoso que conocí por casualidad (no realmente); en una discoteca; un episcopaliano; Hace 24 años. En la actualidad, ¿Hay alguien en su vida que puede escuchar sus reflexiones, oraciones, anhelos y apoyarte en el discernimiento de la voluntad de Dios en su vida? ¿Puedes hacer eso por alguien más?

Following Your Heart – Not Just a Romantic Cliché

My husband and I went out last night to run a simple errand.  On the way to Barnes & Noble, we were chatting about our day.  I had grabbed lunch with a former colleague and I shared with Ryan that while I enjoy the friendship of my old work buddies, I don’t feel invested in that corporate world anymore.  Together, we sat in the car and reminisced about my journey to this point…

As early as 2010, I was feeling desperate for a spiritual presence during my workday – thank God for the online Book of Common Prayer.  I remember wishing my vocation was more of a ministry like my husband’s work that he did as a special education teacher.  In August of 2012, I accepted a job with a company owned by a private investment firm.  There was the potential for me to receive a substantial amount of money when the company was sold which we expected to happen within a few years.  During this time, I facilitated a class at church about Work as Worship as I wrestled with being a Christian in the workplace and whether God valued that work or not.  For years, I had been working full-time and consulting part-time.  If the company sold, it would give me the financial freedom to return to being self-employed full-time as a business consultant, work that I felt was closer to a ministry.  The company sold in early 2014 and we now had a substantial nest egg in the bank. 

The last four or five months at my corporate job were very difficult for me.  In retrospect, I see that although my job was stressful by anyone’s standards, I likely could have coped with it better if my heart hadn’t been pulled elsewhere.  I prayed for God to give me a sign if I was to stay or leave my job.  Over a two week period, the signs were dramatic.  I met with my priest to help me as I discerned God’s will.  I poured my heart out about how I longed to be self-employed again as a business consultant and that through study of scripture, I was hearing the message “return to God” over and over.  Because of my demanding job, I had dropped out of almost all ministry – very painful.  She mentioned that the evangelism minister staff position was still open at the church.  I knew that but had dismissed the idea because of my 70+ hour a week job plus my small consulting practice.  After our discussion, I decided to interview for the job as part of my discernment process.  Then, not knowing if I would be called to the evangelism minister position or not, I left my corporate job in December, 2014.  [I was offered the job in January.]

Fast forward to now, I start telling Ryan that I feel no inspiration to pursue any additional business coaching clients – the thing I’d been longing to do for years!  Then the tears come.  I finally realize that God hasn’t been preparing my heart and finances to do business consulting, he was preparing me for this evangelism ministry.  More tears come as I apologize to my husband about not pursuing the corporate coaching clients which would be very financially beneficial for us.   He assures me I’m doing what God wants me to do.  I turned down a job opportunity a few months ago that was more money than I had ever made in my life because I felt God was not sending me there.  Ryan affirms this decision again.

I believe I am to follow my heart because God is in control of my heart.  And here is the kicker for me.  If I do not pursue more coaching clients in the business world, I will have to rely on God.  More tears.  My husband suggested to me that being able to earn an abundant income had become my security.  When Enron imploded and we were drowning in debt, we learned much about stewardship of the money that God had given us and trusting God to provide.  However, in recent years, as our incomes increased and debt disappeared, I took comfort in our own ability to provide.  So, now I am back to learning that all the money is God’s and that we will have enough.   Maybe we will sell the corvette.  Maybe we will dip into our savings.  Maybe Ryan will get an assistant principal position.  Maybe, maybe, maybe. 

I do not know what the future holds but I do know that accepting this call to ministry saved me from self-destructing.  God knocked on my door for years and it is pure joy to serve in this way.  Evangelism requires emotional vulnerability and risk.  But I also see now that feeling financially vulnerable and relying on God may be my biggest lesson on this journey.  For a “check the box” kind of person, I hate to admit I have to learn this lesson again.  I picture Jesus shaking his head and saying “Molly Carnes, I sent the disciples out and told them not to carry even an extra tunic.  I gave you a nest egg so you’d feel secure so get going!” 

As we walked through the store, I looked over at a shelf and this is the first book I saw - literally.  I said to my husband, “God is doing something to me.”  He chuckled and said, “Welcome aboard.” 

I have been blessed with this godly man that I met by chance (not really); in a nightclub; a cradle Episcopalian; 24 years ago today.  Is there someone in your life that can listen to your ponderings, prayers, and longings and support you in discerning God’s will in your life?  Can you do that for someone else?   

P.S. If you want to be notified when new blogs come out, follow me on twitter @mwcarnes1. I only blog when inspired - no set schedule.

                

Who Will Change Your Heart?

I cried a lot in church today.   I don’t mean like tearing up, I mean crying with my nose running and everything.  Rev. Katie was telling us about what I would describe as an awakening she is experiencing as a result of the shooting in Charleston last week.  In reference to her knowledge of racism, Rev. Katie was confessing that she had been metaphorically safe on the shore while the disciples were in the boat scared to death.  She said she wanted to educate herself, to get in the boat, and to be held accountable.  These nine martyrs in Charleston changed her heart. 

I thought about an event my husband and I attended on Friday in observance of Juneteenth – the day enslaved people in Texas heard they were free – two and a half years after the Emancipation Proclamation.  Ryan recently became friends with a man who was appearing in a Black History play and we went to support him in his first acting role.  Besides the young woman who took our tickets, we were the only other Caucasian people in the theatre.  We have few experiences where we are the minority.  I wasn’t scared or uncomfortable but very aware of our status and the fact that we could not blend in.  Our friend was very glad that we came and we felt welcome at an event full of joy.  Today, it struck me that maybe our presence was uncomfortable for THEM.  Maybe they were concerned about what our motive was, especially in light of Wednesday’s events in Charleston.  I didn’t for an instant think about their feelings until today’s sermon. 

We hear about tolerance as being the antidote to bigotry of all kinds.  I don’t believe that being tolerant of others is the same as loving others.  I experienced this in my early twenties.  On a plane returning home to San Francisco, I met a man who asked me to join him for dinner when we landed in San Francisco.  I accepted and we had a lovely evening.  He contacted me again and I was hesitant to accept.  You see, he was African-American and I was uncomfortable with us potentially being a couple.  And it bothered me that it bothered me.  I thought my heart was open.  I had been raised with the ideals of equality for all; I was tolerant.  But I saw him as a Black Man instead of a man.  My covert prejudice suddenly felt like something I needed to wipe off and discard.  So I did.  During our relationship, we had candid conversations about his experience of bigotry and our public experience as a interracial couple.  It taught me volumes and changed me. 

I have written before about life-long conversion in our relationship with Christ.  But now I see that we are also called to life-long conversion in relationship with each other.  Just when I think I have opened my heart as far as it can go, God tells me “you’re not done yet.”  And that makes me cry – my ignorance of my need to be stretched over and over.  I was asked to read 1 Corinthians 13 at a memorial service for a dear parishioner’s husband this past weekend.  You will remember this is the “love is patient, love is kind” scripture.  The eighth verse of chapter 13 is “Love never ends.”  Today, those words came back to me but instead of love in terms of time, that love goes on forever, I now hear that verse speaking of love as being in infinite supply if we let God change our heart. 

As parents, Ryan and I pledged to raise our children to do more than tolerate others – to love all.  Tolerance isn’t good enough because it is an attitude.  Love requires action. 

Today, I was dramatically shown [again] that I’m still being converted.   Who will God send my way next to stretch my heart wider?  Who is God sending to change your heart forever?    

No Rest for the Weary - in a good way

I woke up this morning when I accidentally knocked my phone off my bedside table.  Then my husband got up to get ready for work and then a thunderstorm blew in.  No going back to sleep so I thought I’d just lay there in my comfy bed and check emails on my phone.  A few words from my Word of the Day from SSJE caught my eye.   [SSJE is Society for Saint John the Evangelist, an Episcopal monastery in Massachusetts.  Yes, we have nuns and monks in the Episcopal Church.  SSJE has an excellent daily meditation email, by the way. www.ssje.org]  Anyway, the words that caught my eye from the word of the day, “experience,” were life-long conversion.  I have long thought that we are converted over and over as God uses us for His purpose. 

I was so taken in by today’s message that I went on to read all of the comments.  One of the comments strongly disagreed with a statement in the message:  “Jesus comes to us and bids us to follow in ways which are familiar and safe and inviting.”  The commenter gave several examples of how following Jesus can lead to death for some – not a safe thing to do.  But what happens when you change the structure of the sentence to this:  “Jesus comes to us in ways which are safe and familiar and inviting and bids us to follow Him.” I’m going to make the assumption, since the writer of the meditation went on to say that Jesus meets us where we are, that this latter version is what he meant (just a little syntax error). 

To test my theory, I looked back on all the invitations I had received over the years.  When I have been called to ministry or action, did Jesus come to me in a safe and familiar way and invite me to do so?  Yes.  Now, my immediate response may have been fear but that was about me.  The invitations came to me in familiar and safe places:  my car, the pew at church, through a friend, in times of prayer.  Accepting that invitation can be scary and certainly the action we take will, in my experience, always require us to leave our comfort zone.  When we accept a call to act, we are being converted.  We are different than the day or even the moment before. 

 

I think we must be continually invited to leave our comfort zone because outside is where the miracles happen.  And miracles do happen every day.  When a person gets up on Sunday morning and decides to cross the threshold of a church they have been driving by for years, the Spirit has sent them.  In my book, that is a miracle.  God has intervened in their lives and you are receiving God's messenger – a sacred and miraculous event.

When you look back on your journey, has Jesus come to you and invited you to leave your safe and familiar place?  Maybe he comes to us in our safe place because he sees we have retreated once again to our comfort zone and need to be converted once again to do God's work.  Life-long conversion, indeed.

Invite, Welcome & Connect – Strategy or Culture?

I started out to write something completely different for St. Mary's seasonal newsletter but this article flowed on to the page.  A slightly edited version was published on the Episcopal Diocese of Texas website last week.    http://www.epicenter.org/article/invite-welcome-connect-strategy-or-culture/

I recently had the opportunity to hear Bishop Doyle speak at the Invite-Welcome-Connect Summit at Camp Allen.  Bishop Doyle challenged us to think about new ways to expand the kingdom and to move beyond some of the “ways we have always done it.” 

One of the things he said that has been ringing in my ears is this:

When we start a sentence with

“How can we get them to…”

we are not living the Gospel of connection; that this question is a question for the past.

Rev. Katie’s sermon about the vine and the branches hit me square in the face the day after I returned from Camp Allen.  We aren’t supposed to decide for others what kind of fruit they are to bear; that is God’s job.  When we ask “how can we get them to…” we are deciding what kind of fruit others should bear.  Yikes. 

I admit I have said “how can we get them to…”  I have said this in relation to getting folks to Sunday School, getting folks to attend an event, getting folks to participate in ministry, etc.  This way of thinking is a tactic. The alternative is to ask “how can we provide faith formation other than Sunday morning?” or “how does this group want to connect?”  or  “what are you called to do?”  

As I pondered creating a forum for newcomers to connect, I couldn’t get at peace with designing something around a three- or four-week Sunday morning class format.  I was in the How Do We Get Them mode and it felt wrong.  As I talk to visitors and members alike, so many of you are just out of breath with how busy and stretched you are and I didn’t want this activity (which should be a source of joy) to be another burden in an already packed week.   

It’s amazing how it changes your motivation and your actions when you take this “How can we get them to” phrase out of your vocabulary.  It takes you to a place of discernment focused on the other person’s needs and calling instead of employing a tactic or strategy.  Just like with inviting folks to church, our job isn’t to convince anyone; it’s to extend the invitation out of our love for Jesus and let God do the rest.

One of the things that has come to me from this new perspective is a new way for newcomers to connect to St. Mary’s.  Beginning in July, we will have our first Seekers Forum.  This group will meet in person on a Saturday to get to know each other and help one another get connected digitally.  Then for several weeks, we will consider questions and participate in discussions in a private Facebook group.  The Forum will culminate with a fellowship dinner at the Rectory.  [Before you assume that this is only for the younger generation, you need to know more than half of all adults 65 and older are on Facebook – and growing.]

What can you do?  I often hear folks ask “how can we get visitors to stay?”  I would ask you to help nurture a culture of welcome instead of executing a welcome strategy.  Approach our welcome of the stranger from a place of love and ask “how can I help someone feel included” or “how can I share the love I have for this community with others?” After worship and particularly after the 10:30 am service, spend the first three minutes talking to those that you either don’t know well or don’t recognize.  Simply introduce yourself.  Be alert at any time for those who are standing or sitting alone and share your love by truly seeing them and go speak to them.  Make sure you are standing in a “C” instead of a closed circle so there is always an opening for someone else to join the conversation. 

They will know we are Christians by our love.

Inspired Insomnia

I am at the Invite-Welcome-Connect Summit at Camp Allen, sponsored by the Diocese of Texas.  I have learned much, heard powerful testimony (yes we Episcopalians do know how to witness), and I have had  the opportunity to be in relationship with people from literally all over the world.  Some I may never see again but the Spirit has been so present in every moment.  I mentioned to someone today that I don’t blog on a schedule – only when I am inspired.  I am kept awake tonight by the Lord’s prayer, prayed in these words: 

Our Father who is in heaven,

Your name is hallowed.

Bring your kingdom

and Your will be done

on earth as it is already

being done in Heaven.

Give us enough to eat today.

Forgive us when we sin and

help us to forgive others whose

sin hurts us.

Guide us away from temptation
and rescue us from the evil one.

The kingdom and the glory and

the power belong to You

yesterday, today and tomorrow.

Amen.

Making Money or Making a Difference?

Yesterday, I read an article that was causing quite the buzz in the media.  You may have read it as well.  Dan Price, the young CEO of Gravity Payments, cut his annual salary from one million dollars to $70,000/year and raised the minimum salary at his company to $70,000/year.  For perspective, Gravity Payments is a 120-person company in Seattle, Washington and this change will be phased in over two years.

Price was concerned about income equality and decided to do something about it.  He said he arrived at the $70,000/year figure based on a 2010 Princeton University study that happiness was impacted up to $70,000 or $75,000/year.  The study claims that earnings in excess of that figure were helpful to buy luxuries, but didn’t increase the “happiness quotient” much at all.  The connection between money and happiness is (as we say in Texas) A Whole-Nother blog post…

Price also knew that his employees were at times distracted by their struggles to make ends meet and wanted to see what they could do as a company if their financial issues are eased.  Price’s salary will remain at $70,000/year until the company exceeds a $2.2 million dollar profit target - the amount of profit in 2014.  An interesting social (and financial) experiment, I’d say.

I would also say that I couldn’t find a better example of servant leadership.  According to some studies, the average American CEO earns nearly 350 times the salary of their average employee.  This executive, who drives a 12-year old car by the way, has certainly made this decision based on his belief that this will positively impact the company in the long term.  Price isn’t running a non-profit organization.  And there are certainly benefits from the media attention.  However, I am not sure how many CEOs would have done this for the media attention even if they thought, in the long term, it would help grow the company.  It requires sacrifice and risk and a personal motivation beyond the market.

What I didn’t expect when reading the internet comments in response to this story were remarks about how now everyone will think they are owed something; how you have to pay your dues; how you have to work for years to deserve that pay; and that young people will feel entitled.  You get the idea.  People were outraged by this man’s generosity.  And I do believe it is generosity and not a stunt.

Those negative reactions immediately reminded me of my very favorite Gospel parable – the parable of the vineyard workers.  You may recall that the vineyard owner pays everyone the same amount at the end of the day.  The workers who started towards the end of the day received the same amount as the workers who started in the early morning.  The morning workers were outraged by this man’s generosity.  Dan Price has provided a concrete, real-life example of Jesus’ hypothetical illustration.  Obviously, Jesus was not using this to teach us about the business world but the application is vivid.

This parable informed my professional career for years.  It became my personal philosophy:  if I accepted a job offer for a certain amount of money because I believed it fair compensation for the work I was being asked to perform, I made no comparisons to others in similar positions later.  This only leads to misery.  This extended to others receiving perq’s or perhaps working fewer hours than I was, etc.   If you have worked with me, you may have been counseled on this point and not known that I was pulling from the Bible to coach you.  This philosophy breeds gratitude.

For some years, I had a painting of a vineyard hanging in my office.  Behind it was the parable scripture on a piece of paper.  If anyone asked me about the art, it was an opportunity to share my philosophy and what the painting meant to me.  I work from home most days and don’t have a place to hang it but a photo is posted here today. 

I said earlier that Jesus was not trying to teach us about the business world.  However, I think there are many lessons in the parable of the vineyard for us.   Does applying this parable to the business world diminish its message?  I don’t think so.  If God created the entire world and everything in it, I wonder if He considers any of it as “the business world” or “secular.”  If we see the sacred as separate from the secular, how can we fully live out the purpose that God has for each for us in His World? 

  

Who Are You Looking For?

As I begin the 50 days of Easter, I have been pondering the scripture that was appointed for this past Easter Sunday:  Mark 16: 1-8.  What strikes me about this story is that Mary, Mary, and Salome were going to the tomb that morning, worrying all the way about how they would move the giant stone from the tomb so they could finish their burial rituals.  They were looking for a dead Jesus. 

I have been wondering why the women weren’t running to the tomb to see if a living Jesus was waiting for them there.  It’s as if they didn’t know how the events were supposed to play out but they had been told by the Man himself he would rise from the dead on the third day.  This was not a vague or metaphorical prediction. 

We often talk about the disciple, Thomas - poor doubting Thomas who gets all the blame for being The Skeptical One.  But, weren’t these three women doubters, too?  What about the rest of the disciples?  They were hiding in fear, not expecting to see Christ; so in their way, they were doubters, too.  I wonder if any one of these followers tried to encourage the others with a “hey, remember what he said about rising from the dead…” but got shot down by the others, swallowed up in grief.

I hope that I would have been searching for the living Jesus but if I’m honest, I have to admit that I have been a doubter myself sometimes, even with 2,000 years of belief following me on my journey.  Especially in times of grief, it can be hard to believe that God will keep his promises. 

One thing is certain.  The disciples’ personal experiences with the risen Christ were so real that they were able to bring thousands to salvation who had never heard of Jesus, let alone met him.  Is there comfort in knowing that even as Jesus’ closest followers both doubted and believed, they were still able to change the world?