Going Home

As I emotionally limp into 2022, I keep wondering how I will see 2021 once I get some distance from it.  During a time when physical safety concerns required me to mostly isolate, I felt called to risk my emotional safety by putting myself in very public forums by speaking out against conservative, anti-LGBTQ+ legislation.  It has been a strange year of protecting my physical self while making my emotional self very vulnerable. 

For a few years, I knew I was being prepared for advocacy but had no clear idea of how that would take shape.  One thing I was very sure of however, was that I would be doing it as a Christian.  Before I ever went to the capitol, I knew I had to speak as an affirming Christian because for years, I listened to the stories of LGBTQ+ Christians who have been wounded by the Christian church.  This is the heartbreak of my life: that the Christian faith could be twisted in a way that inspires thoughts of suicide.  A tragedy. 

I won’t describe in any detail my experience at the Texas Legislature because talking about it still triggers a bodily trauma response.  The bigotry of the invited witnesses and the conservative legislators was a repulsive display.   To watch witnesses crying and literally begging legislators to stop exploiting them for votes and for those Christian lawmakers to show no mercy, was the most bitter pill.  It took days to decompress after each hearing and I am still recovering.  People thank me for doing this and I don’t really know what to say to that.  I sacrificed myself on the altar of power.  You’re welcome seems... awkward. 

After one regular session and three special sessions called by the governor, the horror show was finally over.  Only one bill out of the 76 proposed made it into law but still so much was lost.  To have the personhood and dignity of LGBTQ+ Texans debated in the public square came at a cost.  The suicide hotline calls from LGBTQ+ youth increased significantly and many people came away believing the propaganda that girls sports were in need of protection from transgender athletes – a total lie. 

I realized the only thing I could control in this state was the little parcel of land where my house sits.  Our home.  We discussed moving out of Texas but family commitments do not allow us to do that at this time.  So we decided to make our home a place of comfort and return to our previous parish where most everyone knew our story and they so beautifully affirmed my daughter's transition.   As God would have it, St. Mary's Advent theme was Home.  Singing in the choir during Advent and Christmas was a tonic.

We set out to update our kitchen after staring at the “dungeon of doom” for the last 15 years.  One of the paint colors we chose is called “nurture” and I think that is the theme for 2022.  We are nurturing peace, joy, and comfort.  We are being very selective with outside projects and people while we heal in many different ways. I have created a cozy spot to dive into work on The Itchy Sweater, a book I am writing with co-author Carrie Garske Shank.  Our book will attempt to stand in the gap between the Christian church and the transgender community.  We hope to encourage Christians who are curious about fully affirming the beautiful humanity of transgender people. 

The very sad thing about the efforts to keep transgender people on the margins is the loss of their gifts being shared with our communities.  To be transgender or non-binary is to have done deep soul work – the kind many people never do – and come out with profound understanding of individual self and humanity as a whole.  Their insight truly TRANSforms and we need more of that in this world. 

My last testimony was a personal appeal to the Christians on the House Select Committee on Constitutional Rights and Remedies.  Watch here:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VIdDdh9Cae4