Texas. Oh, Texas.

I have been planning for this day for weeks.  I socialized as much as I could last week because I was afraid if Texas went further to the right, I wouldn’t be up for company.  Our grief is particular to our family and I know for many, there are other implications that sting just as much.  So here goes…

Intent is never on the ballot. It may not be your intent to harm our family with your conservative vote. However, you are not absolved from the harm because it wasn’t your intent or you choose to stick your head in the sand. The Republican platform and lawmakers are very clear about their plans. I will continue to hold conservatives accountable for the damage they are inflicting on LGBTQ+ people and transgender people especially.  Giving conservative lawmakers more power is never allyship; it is dangerous. 

I was an election judge yesterday at a polling location so it was a good distraction from the gravity of the day.  I especially try to ensure that those who may be at risk for being marginalized are treated with great respect.  I wear my progress pin as a signal that I am a safe person.  I am always deeply moved by Black voters.  I’ll say it again: the fact that African Americans haven’t burned this country to the ground is a testament to their character.  This morning, I am wondering if I have any fight left in me and my people haven’t experienced half of what they have.

I had three interactions with African American folks that will stay with me.  A young and energetic poll watcher joined us and I could see poll watching was too passive for her.  It was hard to tell her that we couldn’t converse unless she was notifying me of an observed irregularity but these boundaries protect everyone.  There were a few opportunities for us to interact.  I encouraged her to become an election clerk and we exchanged contact info so I can hire her for the next election. I wished I could have heard her story.  When she left, she gave me the very kindest note. 

An older man in a motorized wheelchair came in to vote.  I was assisting the clerks check him in and he had a really hard time using the equipment so I asked him if he wanted my assistance in the booth.  I enlarged the font on the screen so he could read the text and helped him make his selections. As he voted, he told me about his concerns for our democracy. Of course, I had to tell him that I couldn’t comment but I hoped he knew I was a kindred spirit.  He had so much dignity and resolve and I wished I could have hugged him. 

Lastly, a mom came in with her teenager who appeared to be possibly gender non-conforming and we celebrated their first time voting.  While they waited for an open booth, the mother commented that they were exercising their civil rights. We shared a moment about that and I wished I could have shared some encouraging words but election law prevented me from doing so.  

There are many things I would like to say to folks when I am working elections to show them they are seen.  But due to election law, my verbal interactions are regulated.  This is fair and correct so I choose my words carefully and show respect in other ways: eye contact, an open posture, a smile, showing patience when things get complicated, answering questions completely, thanking them for voting, being aware when they seem confused, and keeping snacks handy for tired children.  For those who experience discrimination, voting is a special vulnerability.  I hate turning anyone away from the poll and I will exhaust every method to qualify them. And if they can’t vote that day, I give them information to remedy the issue and be as gentle as I can delivering this bad news.  I had to turn away a new citizen who said he registered to vote at his naturalization ceremony earlier in the year.  The disappointment was heartbreaking. 

Most of us have not experienced being excluded from participating in our democracy.  I believe exclusion is one of the most painful human experiences.  My family must now make some very difficult decisions in order to get my child to safety. All indicators tell us that her lifesaving healthcare will be banned through age 25 and the wave of anti-trans sentiment will only increase. She cannot live in this environment.  I am determined to help my child get to a place where the majority affirms all the beauty, magic and gifts she embodies.  She deserves to be included in all spaces and truly seen.  The vote is sacred and so is she.    

Scary Things

[Reposted from May 2022.]  Yesterday was an election run-off in Harris County.  I was serving as an election judge in a very red area where it is a challenge to staff a democratic polling location.  What a gift it was to serve with six young people from 17 to 20 years old.  When was the last time you spent 14 hours with a racially and LGBTQ diverse group of young people?  I knew it was going to be low democratic turnout so I brought quiet games, puzzles, and conversation cards.  It felt like the we were in The Breakfast Club, a movie they had never heard of.  Our side of the gym was a vivid contrast to the mostly older and completely white staff and voters at the Republican poll.  In another four years, 18 to 25 years old voters will be the most powerful voting block in the nation.  I felt like I was sitting with the future of America. 

Since it is against election code to use any sort of communication device within 100 feet of a polling location, it was late in the day when we heard about the school shooting in Uvalde.  After spending the entire day listening to these young people’s hopes and plans, it was devastating to see the future taken from other children – yet again.

The fear is definitely swirling after this tragic event and it made me think about all of the fears that are dividing us. 

For conservatives, there is a fear of scary ideas.  For progressives, there is a fear of scary actions.  So on the conservative side, there has been a lot of fear around the ideas that racism still exists, that gender is different than sex, that sexuality is a spectrum, that gay parents are okay, that giving birth could be a choice, that gender roles might not matter.  And the interesting thing is that if all of these ideas are true (even if you are unhappy about them), you personally are actually not harmed.  As our society becomes more inclusive, diverse, and broad, you may find your influence or your comfort affected but there isn’t data that shows you are actually harmed or unsafe. 

For progressives, the fear of scary actions tend to focus on dying by gun violence, dying by freezing to death (when the Texas grid fails), losing one’s healthcare, losing the right to vote, dying at the hands of police, losing the choice to marry or give birth, or experiencing discrimination.  I’m a data person and there is good data to substantiate these fears. 

No other peer country experiences the gun violence that we do in the US.  Hundreds of people died in Texas because we don’t require our power providers to winterize.  More black males die at the hands of police than any other group.  The official Republican platform states their intention to overturn marriage equality and the right to bodily autonomy.  More than a dozen states have recently passed laws restricting voting.  Texas authorities are investigating parents of transgender children who obtain gender care.  Same gender couples are rejected for mortgages at a higher rate than straight couples when risk factors are equal. 

But here’s one fear we have in common:  guns.  But curiously, progressives fear dying by a gun and conservatives fear not being able to own a gun.  Again, if Americans had to submit to a background check and were prohibited from owning weapons of war, how would they be harmed?  Many argue owning guns is a defense against a tyrannical government.  Thinking that our democracy is still going because our elected leaders fear their armed constituents is a fallacy.  If our government turns into a dictatorship, no AR-15 will save us against the might of the US military.  Our democracy is still standing because of the right to vote. 

But many are clinging to the second amendment “on principle” and that we must go back to the framer’s original intent.  If we want to go there, then Americans should only be allowed to own muskets because that would have been the framer’s intent at the time.  They never could have imagined a handheld gun that could kill multiple people in seconds.  If we apply any context to this amendment, such as we did when we interpreted “all men are created equal” to actually be “all people,” it is met with vehement opposition.  This narrow interpretation of the US Constitution is literally killing us.

What I have been mulling over today is how we treat the US Constitution as if it is scripture and we treat the Bible as if it is statute.  The Constitution gets this hallowed treatment to the point that children are dying on the altar of the second amendment and the Bible gets used as if it is nothing more than a book of laws and not the story of how to love each other.   Our response to the tragedy of gun violence must be compassionate but our solution must be political because that is where the power lies to change the future.  For all children with hopes and dreams, the time is now. 

Going Home

As I emotionally limp into 2022, I keep wondering how I will see 2021 once I get some distance from it.  During a time when physical safety concerns required me to mostly isolate, I felt called to risk my emotional safety by putting myself in very public forums by speaking out against conservative, anti-LGBTQ+ legislation.  It has been a strange year of protecting my physical self while making my emotional self very vulnerable. 

For a few years, I knew I was being prepared for advocacy but had no clear idea of how that would take shape.  One thing I was very sure of however, was that I would be doing it as a Christian.  Before I ever went to the capitol, I knew I had to speak as an affirming Christian because for years, I listened to the stories of LGBTQ+ Christians who have been wounded by the Christian church.  This is the heartbreak of my life: that the Christian faith could be twisted in a way that inspires thoughts of suicide.  A tragedy. 

I won’t describe in any detail my experience at the Texas Legislature because talking about it still triggers a bodily trauma response.  The bigotry of the invited witnesses and the conservative legislators was a repulsive display.   To watch witnesses crying and literally begging legislators to stop exploiting them for votes and for those Christian lawmakers to show no mercy, was the most bitter pill.  It took days to decompress after each hearing and I am still recovering.  People thank me for doing this and I don’t really know what to say to that.  I sacrificed myself on the altar of power.  You’re welcome seems... awkward. 

After one regular session and three special sessions called by the governor, the horror show was finally over.  Only one bill out of the 76 proposed made it into law but still so much was lost.  To have the personhood and dignity of LGBTQ+ Texans debated in the public square came at a cost.  The suicide hotline calls from LGBTQ+ youth increased significantly and many people came away believing the propaganda that girls sports were in need of protection from transgender athletes – a total lie. 

I realized the only thing I could control in this state was the little parcel of land where my house sits.  Our home.  We discussed moving out of Texas but family commitments do not allow us to do that at this time.  So we decided to make our home a place of comfort and return to our previous parish where most everyone knew our story and they so beautifully affirmed my daughter's transition.   As God would have it, St. Mary's Advent theme was Home.  Singing in the choir during Advent and Christmas was a tonic.

We set out to update our kitchen after staring at the “dungeon of doom” for the last 15 years.  One of the paint colors we chose is called “nurture” and I think that is the theme for 2022.  We are nurturing peace, joy, and comfort.  We are being very selective with outside projects and people while we heal in many different ways. I have created a cozy spot to dive into work on The Itchy Sweater, a book I am writing with co-author Carrie Garske Shank.  Our book will attempt to stand in the gap between the Christian church and the transgender community.  We hope to encourage Christians who are curious about fully affirming the beautiful humanity of transgender people. 

The very sad thing about the efforts to keep transgender people on the margins is the loss of their gifts being shared with our communities.  To be transgender or non-binary is to have done deep soul work – the kind many people never do – and come out with profound understanding of individual self and humanity as a whole.  Their insight truly TRANSforms and we need more of that in this world. 

My last testimony was a personal appeal to the Christians on the House Select Committee on Constitutional Rights and Remedies.  Watch here:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VIdDdh9Cae4