Most of us have a longing to feel
close to God during worship and to do that, we must be emotionally open. Our walls must come down in order to let the
Spirit penetrate our souls. That is a
very scary proposition for many, especially those wounded by their church
experience. It’s one of the reasons that
people cry in church when they can’t cry elsewhere. It’s one of the reasons people who are
struggling actually don’t come to church sometimes because they can’t hide their
pain at the same time as being open to God.
This is why it is so important to create cultures of safety and
vulnerability in our churches by truly knowing each other, with all our faults
and shortcomings, in great love and mercy.
As I prepare to take some Sabbath
time from my ministry, I keep reminding myself that it is okay to rest and be
still. For most of my life, rest was
only deserved after everything else was completed. Being still could only happen as a reward for
work done. Looking back, I see it was a
coping mechanism for my depression; get through everything that was expected of
me and then I could reward myself somehow.
It kept me moving forward when I wanted to crumble. Over the years, supervisors have told me, “be
kind to yourself.” I never had a clue
what that meant. Get a manicure? Take a vacation? Be still with God. That is the answer and it’s taken me many,
many years to accept it.
Walking with others on their
faith journeys requires my full presence and all of my emotions. There is no way to fake this ministry. To nurture
the divine in others, I have to nurture the divine in myself and I have to take
care of my soul as a top priority, not a last one. So as
I ponder the necessity and hopes for my downtime, I am trying to make peace
with being kind to myself first. God
worked for seven days and then rested. I
think too often we stretch that “work and then rest” model to the breaking
point, well beyond seven days. For my
own spiritual health, I find that I need daily Sabbath time as well as extended
Sabbath time to stay connected with the Spirit and to be able to be fully
present with others. I am continually amazed
at how God’s peace is with me when I love myself first. Even a few minutes of meditation and
beautiful music before diving into my day is transformational. And the more simple I am about it, the more I
feel God’s presence.
I recently had an exchange with
someone about grace. Her perspective was
that God’s grace transforms us – allows us to kick a drug addiction or the like
– essentially improve. This was a wake-up call to me. I have never viewed grace in this way. From what I see in my ministry, grace shows us
how to love ourselves and others more.
When I invite others into Christian community, it is not an invitation
to become better people but an invitation to experience compassion for ourselves
and others. When we encourage each other
to be transformed, it is not to do better or be better, but to simply love more. The premise that we need to go to church to “keep
us on the straight and narrow” or to “be the best version of ourselves” is shallow
theology.
Jesus tried to boil it down for
us: Love yourself and love others. And it had nothing to do with being good enough. He consistently modeled loving those who were
despised. So, as we Christians work to change
the world, let us remember that each of us deserves love and rest. Our churches do not exist to improve anyone
but to teach us how to see the divine in all people with great love and
mercy.
How can you prepare to love
others more by loving yourself today? And
not because you feel you deserve it but because God is waiting to sit with you
and love you unconditionally.
